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Why Athletes Can't Have Real Jobs

Submitted by John Baker

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the
upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards,
whichever comes first."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Redskins say: "I'd run
over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the
Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach,
John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a
guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line
up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups
of three, then line up in a circle."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with
promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out
smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he
keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so
when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the spartan training
regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up
at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player,
explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at
practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if
I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I
told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or
apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting
what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son,
looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked
by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips,
Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss