Stuff From Our Readers

If you have an interesting or unusual item, send or forward it to

Hollywood Square Quips

Submitted by Anonymous

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions.

Question. Do female frogs croak?
Answer. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Question. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
Answer. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Question. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
Answer. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Question. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Answer. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Question. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Answer. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Question. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
Answer. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Question. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Answer. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Question. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
Answer. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Question. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Answer. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Question. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
Answer. Charley Weaver: His feet.