Jokes
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Church funnies
Submitted by Art Kettelhut
At the Wedding
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said "So why is the groom wearing black?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Late for Bible Class
A
little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she
could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed,
"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me
be late!" While she was
running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her
clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off,
and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray,
"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me
either!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- New in Church
After
the service a young couple talked to a church member about joining the
church. He hadn't met the husband before, and he asked what church he
was transferring from. After a short hesitation, he replied,"I am transferring from the Municipal Golf Course." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Sermon
A
little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.
Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we
give him the money now, will he let us go?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Boasting Boys
Three
boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy
says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a
poem, they give him $50." The
second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a
piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The
third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a
piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to
collect all the money!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Funeral Instructions
An
elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no
male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I
don't want them to take me out when I'm dead." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Church Announcement
There
is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his
congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have
enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's
still out there in your pockets." |