I am the first to admit that I was not a model child. I had fights and arguments with my mother as a lot of children do and I suppose I was considered the black sheep of the family. I think one of the difficulties in a mother's relationship with her children is that things change so fast that we have a huge generation gap in which the mother simply cannot understand the needs and motives of her child, and vise-versa.

My mother, Florence Uphoff, died in 1983 of Lou Gehrig's disease, a horrible debilitating disease that renders the victim a prisoner within their own helpless body in which all muscles eventually quit working while the mind is perfectly intact and understands the horror of it all. As I watched her slowly dying I regretted all of the hardships that I know that I caused my mother although I did not know it at that time. I would come home at 4:00 a.m in the morning and she would still be lying in bed waiting for my return wondering if I was ok or if I was lying dead on the highway. It never occured to me why she should worry.

My mother was typical of most mothers in the 30's and 40's. Most stayed at home and worked hard. Wash on Monday, iron on Tuesday, clean house on Wednesday, bake on Thursday, etc. Women in those days couldn't go to work because there was so much to do at home. But it was good for the kids because mom was also there when you needed her. I can still remember how empty the house would feel if I came home from school and my mother wasn't there.

Women of that period were also more stoic. No group therapy sessions or women's movements to bolster your confidence. I know my mother suffered silently with her problems and worries. I believe that my mother's generation would hide their feelings more. It was hard for them to express their love as well as their fears. You just kept things to yourself.

I wish my mother had received more recognition for what she did. She was sympathetic to those less fortunate or who were suffering hardships. She helped so many people in so many ways whether it was bringing food to persons in less fortunate circumstances or taking someone to the doctor or just listening to someone's problems.

Even though she came from a fairly well-to-do farm family she married a man she loved who came from a farm family of less means and managed to raise four sons through the depression and the war years. In her own quiet way through the years she ingrained in her four sons (doctor, lawyer, banker, and myself) a sense of what's right and wrong and a sense of fair play. While her sons were receving accolades for success in athletics, school or business she would remain quietly behind the scenes proud of the fact that those were her boys.

I feel fortunate to have a mother that I respected and who exemplified grace and good manners. I feel fortunate that I was lucky enough to have a mother who was always there for me and would support me. I also am grateful that she never gave up on me and always gave me unconditional love even though I may not have always recognized it or deserved it.

I wish that she were alive today so that she could read these words that I wish I had told her.