The perils of plumbing

I majored in Art for my first 2 years in college but did not have the confidence to pursue a career in art. Hence, painting became a hobby rather than an avocation. Most of my paintings were done 30 years ago when I had more free time. For the past 30 years I put painting on the back burner because I was too busy trying to make a living. But now I reckoned it was time to go back to painting. I've always said that I would rather leave behind a painting than a software program that will eventually be outdated.

Having made the decision to pursue art as a career, I decided to remodel the upstairs of the old IOOF building into an artist studio. The second floor was without plumbing and adequate electrical wiring and the ceiling had holes. It was to be a major renovation.

The first stage was comparatively routine consisting of dropping the ceiling, painting the walls and putting in insulation. Electrical wiring was more difficult since I had to deal with brick walls that did not allow the hiding of electrical wires. Instead, I had to install external conduit to house the electrical wires.

After a few months of work, it came time to install the plumbing for a bathroom. This included a toilet, sink, and another sink in my studio for cleaning brushes, etc. I felt pretty good about my remodeling progress up to this point. However, that was all to change as I entered the hallowed world of plumbing.

The plumbing was to be real challenge for a novice like me as I had to install the water and drain pipes in a 3 foot crawl space between the first and second floor. When you are 64 years old, it is very difficult to work lying either on your back or your stomach. Try holding your head up for more than a minute lying prone. It is like the Chinese water torture. After a minute the pain in your neck becomes so unbearable you have to drop your head and just lay there for a minute to recover your stamina. In addition, I had to cut holes in the floor above me and tons of plaster and dirt would fall in my face. It was one of the most unpleasant jobs that I can recall.

With great trepidation, I went down to the basement and turned on the water. A few gurgles emitted from the water lines and I breathed a sigh of relief assuming that everything was ok. As I walked up the stairs, I hurt a loud whoosh and then a spraying sound. One of the connections in the basement from the existing water line to the new water line broke loose and released a torrent of water into the basement. I quickly ran back to the basement and turned off the water. I discovered that one of the connections had not been glued and broke apart when the water pressure was turned on. I glued the connection and waited a few hours before turning the water on again.

The next time I turned the water on, I got all the way upstairs from the basement when I heard that same sickening sound of water gushing from a line. This time a connection had broken in the crawl space between the first and second floor and water came streaming down the chute where I had to climb to get to the crawl space. Water ran all over the hardwood floor downstairs as well as coming through the ceiling tile that I had installed 2 years ago. I managed to clean the water from the floor but the ceiling tile started to swell and break apart and showed water stains.

By now I was ready to run off to Timbuktu. I can't remember feeling so exasperated. Again, the water break was due to an unglued connection which I fixed. And it still wasn't over.

I heard a dripping sound on the ceiling on the first floor. This time it was the drain from the sink leaking and I had to repair it. Next one of the cutoff values below a sink faucet leaked which I had to repair. At this point my professional modesty was at an alltime low. I can't remember feeling so inadequate and frustrated. You can forget to put in a nail when building something or forget to wrap plastic around an electrical wire and everything will probably still work. However, forget to glue one connection in a plumbing job and there will be hell to pay!

Finally, I was able to stabilize the plumbing situation. However, after surviving the carpentry and electrical wiring I was floored by the plumbing. This experience gave me a new appreciation for those who earn their living as a plumber. Plumbers earn every penny they make. From now on my scariest nightmares are going to be the sound of dripping water.

As an artist, my work would probably be considered traditional. However, if I were a plumber I would be known as the abstract plumber.