Clyde said, "Haven't you read the papers lately, ol pal? Some liberal pinko environmental group in Washington published on the internet the names of all the farmers receiving subsidies from the government for the last 5 years. They even had the audacity to print the amounts we received!"

Clyde started to breath a little bit faster, so I said, "Relax Clyde. Everyone knows that farmers get subsidies." "Yeah," said Clyde. "But they didn't know how much."

Now I was getting interested. I said, "And how much are you getting Clyde? He said, "Shucks, I'm only getting $10,000 this year but a couple of guys in this area received over $430,000 for the past 5 years."

Clyde started to choke a little. I said, "Now, now Clyde. You have to remember that money isn't everything. Besides, look at all the poor people on welfare in the city who had to go to work in order to receive welfare assistance." The minute I said that I knew I had said the wrong thing.

Clyde stammered, "And that's the other problem. People will associate us with those folks who don't work. And anyhow, the government needs to help us out so we can feed the country and to help keep us self-sufficient."

I said, "I hate to bust your bubble, Clyde, but I read the other day that we export over 35% of our soybean crop. And Senator Richard Luger of Indiana said that "We have food coming out of our ears."

Clyde lips were now trembling. "So what's a small farmer to do?" he said, as tears formed in his eyes. "I can hardly make ends meet now with the price of corn around $2.00 a bushel."

With a sympathetic tone, I said, "You may not believe this Clyde, but reports suggest that the price of corn is low because the government program encourages farmers to overproduce. This not only keeps the price of corn down, it also encourages the farmer to get more land to cover a lower return on his crop. This increases the price of land which is the main cost of farming."

"So what's wrong with a farmer trying to get bigger," said Clyde.

I patiently replied, "The big farmer gets bigger because he can get land easier and getting more land is the only way to increase profits. This eliminates the smaller farmer. Eventually there will be only 200 farmers left in the United States. I don't think the American public will feel very secure knowing that their food supply is based on the whims of those 200 farmers."

Clyde stared me in the eye and said, "Ok, Einstein. And what do you suggest we do?"

"You sound like one of those wild-eyed environmentalist who wants to turn this country back into a wildlife preserve," said Clyde.

"Now, now Clyde", I said. "Remember how hard your father worked to till the soil? And remember all the animals he raised, and the fine orchard and garden he had? And the windbreak he planted?" I don't remember him getting farm subsidies and he certainly seemed more self-sufficient than farmers are now days. I will admit he didn't have a nice new pickup truck every two years or a $200,000 combine but then he didn't pay $3500 an acre for his land or rent land at $180 an acre either."

"Yeah, poor Dad. He did have to work 12 months out of the year, " he said. "Anyhow, you mean to tell me that the government wants us to plant trees in the field again and stop using so much fertilizer and put more land into pasture and less in corn? We'll be going back a hundred years. What am I going to do with my $150,000 air-conditioned Case tractor? If I turn that thing around in the field I could wipe out 20 trees? I suppose the government wants me to go back to horses too!"

"Clyde, don't become cynical," I said. The proposed new program encourages diversity and conservation as a way of achieving better crop prices.

He said, "Speaking of diversity, you must be referring to that guy in El Paso who started a vineyard. Is he nuts? Everyone knows you can't grow grapes in Illinois. Come next spring those grapes will be wiped out from the first farmer who sprays his corn field."

"You're not listening, Clyde", I said. "I would suggest that the new farm program would encourage people to diversify like Mr. Furrow and also discourage chemical sprays that cause harm to our environment."

"All right, all right, you pussyfoot", said Clyde. "You want all of us macho corn farmers to become raised pinkie wine sippers who have brie and crackers every afternoon with the latest chardonnay. Does that mean I can't wear my seed corn cap anymore?"

I said, "Not at all, Clyde. You can still raise corn and beans if you want to, only in a more kinder and gentler way. You probably should be more upset about the fact that the farm subsidies are destroying the small farmer and helping the big farmer. I do sympathize with your plight."

To drive the point home, I told him, "By the way, Clyde, if you are interested in how much your fellow farmers are getting in farm subsidies, check out http://www.ewg.org/farm. Did you know that Scotty Pippen received $180,000 last year in farm subsidies from his farm in Arkansas? Did you also know he made $8,000,000 playing basketball last year? That sort of summarizes the problem."

"Geeze", gushed Clyde. "You mean Scotty and I have the same employer? Do you think he would sign my seed corn cap if I sent it to him?"

I could tell Clyde was feeling better already.